Help

I have been encouraged by my therapist to ask these questions, despite the fear of alienating people.

Friendships have always been a source of pain and frustration for me. I have lost many friends, the reasons for which are unknown to me; they just kinda went away. I would (I thought) be a good friend, initiating conversations, plans. It seemed I always ended up doing all the 'work' in the friendship, however. Eventually I would hear less and less from them...I've learned to give up trying to keep a friendship going after a certain amount of time. Friendships need participation from both sides, right?

More and more I wonder if I am the problem. Is it that I keep choosing the wrong kinds of people? In that case, why? Is it that I'm too negative? I think that I am more positive when in the company of friends. Perhaps it is due to my AS. Not always responding appropriately (physically), missing various social cues "neurotypicals" take for granted, could be off-putting? I truly do not know.

I am not trying to complain. I just would like to know what I am doing wrong (if anything) so I can begin to work on it.

(Friend)shipwreck

The past few months have been difficult. I ended my friendship with my closest friend, Kyle. He was a terrible friend, selfish, thoughtless, unreliable, but no one could make me laugh like he did. He had an insane sense of humour and created dozens of wacky characters and skits. Our friendship started at YAP when he showed me his skit about the "Dance of the Beheaded Projectile Penguin". He had all the same interests as I do, and we were always learning from one another. He let me down countless times over the years, but I stayed with him because, frankly, I had no other friends. I just became so tired of being angry at him, of doing all the work to keep the friendship going. I've broken free. I miss him.