Spider-Man, Spider-Man...

As a child, I would often become delirious when I had a fever, always while I was in bed for the night. The first time I experienced it, I was terrified because the giant robot spiders (from the episode of the original Spider-Man cartoon I had watched that day) were going to zap my mother.

Along with the dream sequences, my delirium usually included 3 uncomfortable sensations. First, there was the feeling of having a balloon in my throat (kind of like the piece of rubber stretched over your mouth when getting a filling at the dentist), choking me. Second, there was the sensation of wrapping myself around a sharp, thin wire (~1mm diameter), which at the same time was a concrete pillar (~2ft diameter). I don't know how else to put it. Third, there was always some task I had to do which would spin out of control. For example, I would have to sort or pack a bunch of balls, which kept multiplying and multiplying, making me despair that I would never finish the job. Sometimes there was just one ball (they were always yellow) which continued to expand, becoming bigger than the planet, the galaxy, even. Terrifying. These three sensations always felt as if they were building up, threatening to engulf me (how I feel sometimes when I have bad anxiety).

I haven't been delirious in years. In my teens, however, I began experiencing those sensations outside of the delirium. I could even feel them in various body parts, like my arm would be choking on a balloon. This is basically impossible to tell anyone without them thinking me mad (they may be right). It still happens to me, every once in a while.

Twice this past week, while trying to sleep I got the wire/concrete thing. It started in my torso, migrating then to my legs. The same engulfing panic ensued and I had to get up and do something to distract the feeling away.

What. Are. You? I'm a Vampire!

Last week's episode of the Vampire Diaries introduced a new character, Slater, who is very much like how I would be if I was a vampire. He has been going to college continuously since he was sired in 1974, racking up a huge number of BA's, MA's and PhD's.

I want to mention how great this show is. Aside from the teen drama and formula of 'human girl falls for vamp' which is, unfortunately, so common (why can't the human ever be male?), it's a bloody fun time. Full of eyes being gouged out, fingers being chopped off, and hearts being ripped out (literally and figuratively). The vampires are ferociously strong, do not sparkle in sunlight, and get all veiny and black-eyed when angry. Plus, Ian Somerhalder is just perfect.

Vampires do Look Sparkly When I Have a Migraine

This evening, while watching Rome, I experienced scintillating scotoma (aura migraine). It happens every so often, usually without the headache which can follow it. The strange thing about this time was that as soon as it had receded, another one started up! Even stranger, this second aura abruptly ended, instead of diminishing over time. It was somewhat startling.

Mad, Bad, and Dangerous to Know(ledge)

It has been an interesting two weeks. Last week, my (wretched) psychiatrist put me on Zeldox, a relatively new anti-psychotic. After only two doses I began experiencing side effects: uncontrollable shaking, itches like bugs crawling on me in various spots, weak legs, and a horrible feeling of phlegm in my throat which I could not expel. After a trip to Emergency on Thursday, stopping the drug, and being put on Ativan for a couple days to ease the symptoms, I am mostly better, though the phlegm thing persisted and is only fading now.

This week was my first back at school in 9 months, and high school, no less. I've been going to St. Louis Adult Learning Centre. I need 4 grade 11 and 12 courses as prerequisites to begin majoring in geology (I can no longer deal with the open-endedness of history papers). Being surrounded by so many people again has been quite stressful, and it certainly does not help that most of them are teenagers.

Yesterday, a madman (who seems to have been expelled from the school) came into our class, waving gigantic signs and rambling about soldiers dying for our rights, mental illness, and dancing...He was shooed out by the teacher and minutes later an announcement was made for everyone to get to their classes and lock the door. The police hauled him away and classes resumed shortly afterwards. He was there again today, outside the building. He didn't get in, and I believe the police dragged him away again.

Italy and Greece

In grade 10 I went on a trip to Italy and Greece for March Break. That semester I was taking my first year of Latin. The textbook used the story of a Pompeian family to teach the language, and I was very excited to actually visit the ancient city. About 25 people from my school went, including the principal. We were grouped with a small number of students from another school.

I befriended Ben, a grade 11 or 12 student from KCI, for the trip. He was a nice enough guy (a terrible rapper, though). After a delay in Montreal, we landed in Athens. I didn't sleep during the flight -I was too afraid (I don't like flying). I watched Anchorman twice, and the same Robbie Williams and Kylie Minogue videos far too many times. I had terrible jet lag when we landed, but felt better after eating. From there we flew to Rome in a small plane as the sun set. The aircraft was full of rowdy Roman teenagers.

Our tour guide for the trip was Billie, a Serbian woman who had moved to Italy. Our driver was named Marcello; all the girls loved him. My roommate while we were in Italy was Liam, a student from the other school; he was pretty cool.

In Rome, we saw the Trevi Fountain (I did throw a coin and make a wish), Trajan's Column, and the incredible Pantheon. The bus to the Colosseum was so (uncomfortably) packed that the doors wouldn't close, and people still kept trying to get on! We took the elevator to get to the upper levels of the amphitheatre (we didn't get to go on the modern floor built over part of the underground chambers). We next went to the Forum Romanum, entered through the Arch of Titus. The spot where Caesar was cremated was commemorated.

From the Forum we went to the Vatican Museums. The place is pretty much made of gold, with lovely Roman, Greek, and Egyptian statues. We didn't get to see the Pope, as he was in the hospital and only returned a couple days after we left the city (he died the next month). I loved the Gallery of Maps, hobbit that I am, which led to the Sistine Chapel. The Chapel was amazing, with walls of trompe l'oeil curtains and Michelangelo's fantastic Last Judgement. Inside the massive St. Peter's Basilica were Michelangelo's Pieta and numerous works by my favourite sculptor, Bernini, including St. Peter's baldachin. I took a picture of my feet here, and there was a face in the photo. I got a great pic of some off-duty Swiss Guards leaving the Vatican.

I signed-up for the optional excursion and spent a day in Florence, instead of having free reign in Rome. The bus ride through golden Tuscany was lovely. Our guide for the excursion was a cool guy nicknamed Mimo. We began atop a lookout on a hill where all the fashion designers lived, with a view over the city. We toured a leather worker's shop and passed by the church of Santa Croce, with an awesome statue in front of Dante and an eagle pulling at his robes. Florence Cathedral was amazing, the baptistery with Ghiberti's bronze doors, as well. I had lunch in the Piazza della Signoria (real Italian pizza) with KCI's principal. I also had gelato for the first time (banana). We didn't have time to see the Uffizi, unfortunately, but did see the lovely statues outside it by Donatello, Giambologna and Cellini.

As we were leaving Rome for Naples, our bus was hit by a car. Only a little paint scratched, but the drivers in Rome are maniacs. In Naples, we took a small ferry to Capri. Ben fell asleep on a little old Asian lady. I loved Capri, with it's narrow roads, orange trees, and gorgeous azure waters. For lunch I had the best pasta I've ever tasted at an upscale restaurant, and strangely the only good pasta of the entire trip...

Back on the mainland, we stayed the night in Sorrento. Liam and I went for a walk to get some disposable cameras, and an old woman muttered about the number of single men in the world as she walked past us. Leaving the city for Pompeii, we took terrifyingly narrow mountain roads, and even a tunnel through the mountain.

Upon reaching Pompeii, we discovered the ruins were closed! The workers chose this day to go on strike. This was very disappointing, as I had wanted to try to find the house of Caecilius, the pater familias of the family my textbook was based on. We did get to visit a cameo studio, and the stalls selling various phallic paraphernalia. There were a lot of stray cats wandering around.

From there we drove to Bari, on the other side of Italy (only 4 hours!) to catch a ferry to Greece. Before this trip, I had never seen mountains, and the ones we passed here filled me with awe. Ben fell asleep on me this time, and tried to buy my watch while half-asleep, which had suddenly become fascinating to him. I had never been on a boat across a sea, either -scary. Unfortunately, I was switched to being roommates with Josh for the overnight ferry ride (and the rest of the trip). Josh was a troublemaker, and the teachers put me with him to keep an eye on him. I hate that. I've been punished like this for being responsible too many times. The morning after was nice, though; I went out on the deck at stern and watched the water swirls trailing behind the ferry.

We arrived at Patras and headed for Delphi. The mountain roads up Mount Parnassus to Delphi were even more terrifying than the ones we took in Italy. Delphi was amazing, though -most likely my favourite part of the trip. We worked our way up through the ruins, seeing the Treasury of Athens, the seat of the Delphic Oracle in the Temple of Apollo, and the theatre. My former roommate, Liam, and I were the first to reach the stadium at the top of the ruins. Everyone else seemed to be out of breath...We raced each other; I would have won, but my shoe came off. The museum had the famous Charioteer statue. Again, there were a lot of stray cats wandering around outside. The balcony of my hotel room overlooked the streets of the little town. There was one shop which sold medieval weapons. The crazy shopkeeper even demonstrated the crossbow by firing a bolt into the back wall! I watched the sun set on a platform at the edge of town (it was a straight drop down the mountain).

From Delphi we continued on to Athens. On the way, we stopped at a rug shop, and had lunch at a lovely relaxed restaurant on the shore. While the food in Italy was unimpressive, the food in Greece was delicious, especially cheese pie.

In Athens, we ascended the Acropolis -saw the Erechtheion with it's Porch of Maidens, the Parthenon, and a nice museum. From the Acropolis you could see a disgusting ring of yellow smog around the city. We explored the market areas in town, and I had a necklace with my name (in Greek) made at a jewelry shop. We stayed in an upscale hotel, one of the many built for the Olympic games which had recently taken place. We had a party the night before we flew back home. The music was really loud, and the performers shouted 'opa' a million times. I hate that word now. Josh was becoming increasingly destructive, throwing things at pidgeons from our window, and yelling at people in adjacent buildings. I'd had enough, and refused to stay in the same room anymore. I slept on the floor of the other guys' room.

Of course, he somehow ended up next to me on the fight back. The bus ride back home from the airport was nice and toasty, though (it was freezing in Toronto).

Signature

I use a stylized signature to sign many of my artworks (I don't sign it if I hate the finished product). I did not choose this signature, however, my dessert did. One night in grade 9 or 10, I had one of those chocolate-coated ice cream on sticks. Traced in the moisture on the bar was the symbol I claimed as my signature.

Re-Booking

I've noticed one improvement, at least, since getting off most of the meds: my focus is much better. I'm halfway through a fourth book in less than a month -that's more than I've averaged in a year for the past few years! How I've missed reading. I have wanted to many times, but it was like there was a barrier preventing me from doing so.

LOST

I love going exploring. Being lost, having no idea where I am is always refreshing. You discover so much more when you have no destination. After finishing some shopping today, I decided to take the bus heading in the same direction which brought me to the stores, instead of going back the way I came. It took me out to Conestoga College, and I didn't get back to the terminal for an hour and 45 minutes, but it was fun. I saw at least five churches I didn't know about, and got to see most of Conestoga's campus (I've only been to the gym for various events). I got to listen to the amusing conversations of moronic teenagers, and saw swamps with those awesome dead trees one sees a lot up north.

A friend of mine and I have recently learned of our mutual love of exploring. Last week we went for a drive and ended up in New Hamburg. We ate at the gorgeous Puddicombe House (a lovely platter of 3 meats, mustards, black olive tapenade, and 8 cheeses). Riverside Cemetery had beautiful tombstones made of the Brazilian granite, Verde Ubatuba. There was also a monument to the pioneers of the town, unlike anything I've ever seen.





*This post has had nothing to do with the fine television program, LOST*

Huh

The last couple weeks, I've been experiencing strange things. Between the big toe and the toe next to it on my left foot it has often felt like there is a hair caught; it itches/tickles, drives me mad. I've become a bit paranoid, too. Any noises around the house have been getting my imagination going, worrying about intruders. I seem to be a little emotional as well. Whenever I'm watching something on TV that is supposed to be sad, I choke up, instantly, out of nowhere. I don't actually cry, I just get that feeling in my throat and the urge to weep. The things setting me off wouldn't really affect me, normally. I watched part of 8 Simple Rules the other night; it was the one where John Ritter's character died. I had to change the channel I got so many choke-ups...Bizarre.

+20 Jump

I went to the Wings of Paradise butterfly conservatory yesterday, one of my favourite places. While sitting on a bench, this cutie jumped on me:

My favourite kind of spider: the daring jumping spider. She lept at my finger whenever I pointed at her, and even taunted the camera (raising front legs menacingly). I love jumping spiders. They're so friendly, and actually turn their body to look at you. I came to love the daring jumper when I first encountered one, a male, on my porch. We played hide and seek around a brick.

(Friend)shipwreck

The past few months have been difficult. I ended my friendship with my closest friend, Kyle. He was a terrible friend, selfish, thoughtless, unreliable, but no one could make me laugh like he did. He had an insane sense of humour and created dozens of wacky characters and skits. Our friendship started at YAP when he showed me his skit about the "Dance of the Beheaded Projectile Penguin". He had all the same interests as I do, and we were always learning from one another. He let me down countless times over the years, but I stayed with him because, frankly, I had no other friends. I just became so tired of being angry at him, of doing all the work to keep the friendship going. I've broken free. I miss him.