Boo

Go Go Jason Waterfalls!

Monday, June 28, 2010

The Widow Queen

Near St. Jacobs Farmers Market is a Best Western hotel. The edges of the roof are lined with an unnecessary number of widow's watches. An elevated watch occupies a central position. At one point, all of these platforms must have been the lookouts of women waiting for their menfolk to return home, which was never to be, as they all perished on the return voyage from the far side of Laurel Lake. These widows needed a leader. The central tower was built, and a queen installed. From her perch, her majesty oversaw all the mourning and weeping.

The women remained there till their death, even though travel by schooner on Laurel Lake was halted with the invention of the bicycle. They say when you pass by the hotel at night, you can still hear faint wailing.

Radioactive Man

At this moment I am radioactive. Literally. You'd get a read on me with a Geiger counter. I had a bone scan this afternoon. They injected me with a radioactive dye in the morning, and 3 hours later, once it had been absorbed into my bones via my bloodstream, they scanned me for any damage.

Over the past year and a half or so, I've been having sternum problems. It was popping in and out of place, and it would hurt a lot if I bent forward or backward. This progressed to it just being sore all the time, and sometimes if I moved a certain way, it would pop, making a cracking sound. And it was excruciating. In it's current state, a smörgåsbord of movements set off this "crack"; things like reaching out, bending over, sitting up, jumping, coughing, laughing, sneezing, stretching, turning my head to the side too far or too quickly, or carrying anything somewhat heavy.

I've researched possible sternum complications, the most common being costochodritis, which doesn't entirely fit. The tricky thing about it is that it does not show up on any scan (so far, all my scans have shown nothing). None of the main causes of costochondritis have really happened to me, either. A lot of the people who have it say that when they pop their sternums purposefully, they feel relief. I cannot imagine intentionally causing that "crack"; it bloody hurts!

The test was really long and may not tell us anything, but hey, I'M RADIOACTIVE. I will be spending the rest of the day (it only lasts ~24 hours) trying to discover my superpowers.

A Good Festival, Finally

The Multicultural Festival at Victoria Park was this weekend. As a kid, it was always great. The food was yummy (Vietnamese kabobs, mmmm) and there were usually a couple stalls selling gemstones. Over the years, the goods for sale became less and less interesting, and the gems disappeared, excepting some jewelry. Plus, it seems to rain every year now, too.

While it did rain again this time, I managed to get in and out before the deluge. Shockingly, one of the vendors actually had gems, and quality ones at that! He was a really nice guy whose friend owns a mine in Namibia. Sometimes he takes a group with him when he goes down there. I may take a trip to Africa in the future! I got the nicest piece of schorl (black tourmaline) and the largest dioptase (my favourite) crystal I've ever seen. He even took a cheque!

Friday, June 25, 2010

Blades and Tea

I was at Talize today, looking for a wall-mounted shelf to store my teas (like a spice rack). Instead I found a gorgeous wooden case, velvet-lined, and the perfect size to store my bayonet. It turns out the inside of this case smells like orange pekoe or earl grey tea...

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Pets

I've grown up with a number of pets, and I've loved them all so much. When I started living with my family (ie. was born), our dog, Muffy, and cat, Dinkie, were already there. Muffy was great. She was full of energy, and did crazy things like jumping up and biting the carrot nose off our snowman. I would cuddle up with her during lightning storms (which she was terrified of). Dinkie was terrified of everyone, except my parents. He stayed away from my sister and me, and bolted under Mom's dresser whenever someone so much as knocked on the door. He only really warmed up to me during the last few years of his life. When he passed away (at 17), I was devastated. We buried him amongst the trees off the side of a trail (which was dug up by Habitat for Humanity to make houses; I wonder what they thought upon finding feline bones!)

I did not want to get any more pets, but caved in when I saw the kittens born to a cat of my Mom's friend. We've had Blaze and Cozmo ever since. Along the way, we've had a budgie, numerous fish, and my sister had a skinny pig. I get so attached to these animals. When the skinny pig died, I firmly declared we should not get any more pets; I couldn't take the pain of their eventual deaths. And yet when my sister rescued a hamster, The Gingerbread Man, from an incompetent friend, I fell for him, too (he was so called because he had the uncanny ability to escape from his cage and wind up in places like the stove). With his death, I made the same declaration.

With the exception of my father, I've always been struck harder by the death of an animal than a human. This is another trait of Asperger's: identifying more with animals than humans. Aspies (as many of us seem to call ourselves) often say they are from the wrong planet. I definitely feel this way sometimes. Hell, when I tried to commit suicide, the hardest part was saying goodbye to my cats!

Despite so many deaths, I now find myself wanting a dog once my cats are gone...

P.S. Today I experienced my first earthquake! There was brief rumbling, and things on my shelves rattled.

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Grr, Argh!

My next door neighbours have a wind chime. I don't like the sound of most wind chimes, except for some of the bamboo ones with deep tones. This one is small, metal and incredibly shrill. I am hypersensitive, and the sound is painful and maddening. I like to have my window open to feel the breeze while in bed, but the damn thing keeps me up. I can even hear it with my window closed! I have to have the fan going, but it's not the same as cool air.

I was thinking of hiring a ninja to steal it, but they charge by the second...

Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes

I have never dealt well with change. It provokes a lot of anxiety for me. This may be a trait of my Asperger's Syndrome. As a child I would take weeks or even months to transition from Winter to Summer clothes, and vice versa. I haven't really outgrown this either. Once I was free from my mother telling me I had to dress for the season, I switched to wearing t-shirts year-round. Going from one grade to another in school was also difficult.

I've been reorganizing my room (more change) the past couple days. I have a ton of Lego: 4 buckets full, plus various creations sitting on shelves. I needed to free-up some room, so I dismantled a number of the things I had built. The Apache attack helicopter (the 1st of my Lego aircraft, built at least 10 years ago) and the Jaguar fighter jet were both "shot-down", along with a few vehicles from my undead army. I cannot possibly convey how hard this was, emotionally.

Friday, June 18, 2010

My Doctor May Be a Witch...

My family physician is quite something. I've known him all my life, and while he's a bit overly fond of diagnosing most ailments as "post-nasal drip", he has a special power. While most big tests like MRI's and CT Scans take months to book, he ALWAYS gets me in within the month. Often within a couple weeks, sometimes even the very day I see him.

Last week I went to see him about the ongoing problems with my sternum pain. He wrote up a requisition for some sort of bone scan. By the time I got home from my appointment, there was already a message on the answering machine informing me the test is later this month.

Something is up. Maybe it's magic: he has the staff at St. Mary's under his control. Or he could have dirt on them and is blackmailing them...

Of course, there's always the other possibility: aliens.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

The Dark Ages

I think I would like to talk about the darkest chapter in my life. I've written much about it in journals, but I burned all those to lessen the number of reminders in my environment. This blog, however, is for my friends, to better understand who I am.

First, a little back story. My depression began in grade 7, the reason, if any, unclear to me to this day. For 2 years I struggled with it, until admitting that I needed help. I began to see a counsellor, who was of great help. It was only temporary, as she was a student gaining experience, and had to return to school. My family physician put me on Fluoxetine, which made me incredibly restless and jittery. I started to see a psychiatrist. We tried a number of meds, which did little, if anything (most meds have no effect on me, and the ones that do wear off quickly).

Enter A-, my first love. I met her in grade 10 Latin. I asked her out, and though she declined, we became friends and talked often. I had been having suicidal thoughts every once in a while for the past year, and when I discovered she had a boyfriend, I decided to attempt suicide. While my Mom was out, I took a knife and cut the backs of my hands to test how much it would take to slit my wrists. Fortunately, I "chickened out" and called my Mom. We met with my shrink and I agreed to check myself into the psyche ward, called CAIP (Child and Adolescent Inpatient Program).

I spent two weeks there. It's insane, but I've never felt more safe or comfortable than in that wing of the hospital up on the 9th floor. I would sit on the window sill of my room and watch the clouds roll over the vast view of the city. I even loved the food! These days I use Axe Snake Peel body wash because it smells like CAIP. I met a number of girls there, who were all discharged before me. I cried when they were gone (I'm almost never that emotional).

After my first stay, the staff at CAIP suggested that I be placed in the Young Adult Program (YAP), which involved academics in the mornings and therapy in the afternoons. I was loath to go, but it was actually really good for me, not because of my assigned counsellor (I thought she was pretty useless), but because I met my best friend there. We were quite the mischief makers, and one time the staff took us aside and literally told us to stop communicating telepathically (we just had to look at one another to share something funny those around us did not perceive)! I was admitted to the hospital a couple more times while at YAP during times when I didn't trust myself to be safe.

After a year I returned to regular high school. I continued to pursue A-. I feel terrible about this. She was very confused as to why I found her so special. One day, I confessed my love for her. After we parted ways, awkwardly, I left school and went home. I had it in my mind that she should know my true feelings before I was gone. This was the worst moment of my life. I'm a bit ashamed, even if it wasn't truly me in control. I waited for Mom to go to Toronto and then took about half a bottle of Tylenol (~50 pills). The whole ordeal was very confusing, my mind going back and forth. I called friends (no answer) and the help line a couple times. They sent an ambulance. For the longest time I lay there, waiting for unconsciousness (which of course did not happen; turns out Tylenol won't kill you, but can mess up your liver in the long run). The paramedics weren't allowed to enter the house until the police arrived. I got tired of waiting and just let them take me to the hospital. The police never came (good thing, you know, I wasn't actually dying!)

In Emerge, I had to drink a bottle of charcoal, and proceeded to vomit it back up again and again until I was just vomiting bile. I spent the night waking up nearly every hour to vomit some more. I was admitted once again to CAIP the next day. I tend to calm down not long after being in the hospital (waiting in Emergency for hours seems to bore the suicidal feeling out of me), making the week or so in the psych ward rather pointless. After being released, I did not go back to school. Eventually, Mr. R-, my Latin teacher and an incredible person, began to tutor me at my home!

A- moved to another city, and I went on to go back to school for a 5th year. I still struggle with my depression (which I've named Courtney, as most of the people I've known with that name were awful), but I vowed to myself that I would never sink so low again.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Antiquing

I went antiquing in Stratford with Mom today. We were going to try to visit all the ones we could find. The first we came across turned out to be the only one we went through. It took us most of the day to see everything. There were many swords, bayonets and knives, more than the usual antique shop. There were a couple of triangular bayonets (1800's), a couple of Kukris, and a Tulwar!

I am always on the lookout for boxes shaped like turtles or beetles, where either the shell comes off or the wings open to reveal a compartment. Last year, Mom actually found a turtle for me. Today, I found a frog box of the same two-tone wood as my turtle. There was also a brass turtle with a hinged shell, but it wasn't very attractive.

I like boxes in general. I have a couple of small treasure chests, and an ornately carved wooden box from Ten Thousand Villages (great store!), in which I keep emeralds and an aquamarine.

Sunday, June 13, 2010

Children

I went to La-Z-Boy today to help Mom pick out a couch. The man who helped us mentioned the quality of the furniture and how I might be impressed enough to choose their store when I have a family of my own. I get this a lot: people assuming I will one day have children. Historically, it was expected of one to produce offspring, for a number of reasons which I don't care to discuss presently. These days, however, more and more couples are making the decision to not start a family. The aforementioned assumption is becoming outdated.

Personally, I will never have children. They can be quite cute sometimes, but they're more trouble than they are worth. As infants, there's the crying (one of the most horrid sounds on earth), the smells, the mess, and the lack of sleep (for the parents). As they grow older, they have the potential to go wrong, despite perfectly nurturing parents. My mother taught us well, and yet my sister still managed to get into drugs and alcohol and have a baby at 17.

Call me greedy, but I feel that a child would take away some of the love my partner and I have for each other. I want to be devoted to one person.

Saturday, June 12, 2010

Farmers' Market

Today I went to the St. Jacobs Farmers' Market. It's been a long time since my favourite store (Weather gem shop) closed. The owner, Colin, had too much on his plate and wanted to focus only on his stalls at the market. Other than Stonebridge imports (which is for the most part overpriced), it was the only gem shop in town. Having to go to (the outskirts) of St. Jacobs is a bit tedious, though it makes the acquisition of some shiny new rocks all the more rewarding. A downside to this is that I have to battle my way through hordes of (zombies) shoppers milling about. Very stressful.

Anyway, I got a few stones, including two slabs of labradorite (one with gold labradorescence, the other with a lovely blue), a handful of quartz crystals, and an aventurine pendant. I don't normally buy jewelry, but it was such an interesting stone. I also got a container of Diatomaceous Earth to help keep away the evil Red Lily Beetles that have been ravaging my poor lilies this year. The traditional bag of sponge toffee (mmmm) and glass of fresh-squeezed orange juice were obtained as well.

Before heading home was a stop to the antique store across the street. They have an entire alcove devoted to all things Star Wars, and I came looking for the novels needed to complete my collection (the earlier ones are becoming increasingly difficult to find, and I want to know the rest of the story). I got my hands on 16 of the ones on my list! Yay!

P.S. It smelled like Autumn today, my favourite season *content*.

P.P.S. Yes, so, this has turned out to be an actual post. Umm...bye!

Anti-Post

So I have created this blog, but cannot bring myself to post anything. Perhaps someday I will be able to...